


Lovers Death

by WhyAreAllUsernamesTaken



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Getting Back Together, Han Jisung | Han & Lee Felix are Best Friends, Happy Ending, Light Angst, M/M, Post-Break Up, Sad Lee Felix (Stray Kids)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-29
Updated: 2020-04-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:14:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23916601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhyAreAllUsernamesTaken/pseuds/WhyAreAllUsernamesTaken
Summary: Felix knows he’s partly to blame because after all, he hadn’t even tried to hold onto Chan. Not that he didn’t want to but what can you do when someone tells you they don’t love you anymore? In his eyes it is stupid to fight over it because there’s nothing to be done. You can’t convince someone to love you again. It just doesn’t work like that.But what if that someone never really stopped loving you?
Relationships: Bang Chan & Lee Felix
Comments: 7
Kudos: 57





	Lovers Death

**Author's Note:**

  * For [InoruMarufuji](https://archiveofourown.org/users/InoruMarufuji/gifts).



> Good evening everyone,  
> I am here once again with a oneshot because I am still stuck with all my chaptered stories :'D (if anyone of you here reads those) I miss the days I managed to write two chapters for two stories plus a oneshot a week...
> 
> ANyways!  
> Inspired by Ursine Vulpine & Annaca - Lovers Death
> 
> This one is for you Lina! Let's own that Chanlix tag :D <3 to be fair, this isn't much and is rather plotless but whatever.  
> (you wouldn't happen to have a chapter of DC ready to upload right...?)

Felix isn’t sure if the world has always looked this grey and bleak, but for the first time he can say that he notices it, how the flowers look a tad bit less vibrant and how the sound of the birds is a bit more painful to the ears than normal.

On some days it is a bit worse than others. Like today. Today he can’t seem to lose himself in the beautiful blue sky because, to put it simply, he doesn’t think there’s anything particularly beautiful about it.

It used to, though. He used to love watching fluffy clouds slowly drift by, used to like seeing the shadows of birds somewhere high up in the sky as well, used to love the smell of freshly-mowed grass accompanying what his eyes were seeing.

But it seems like forever that he found himself enjoying the little things like that. 

And here he is, staring at the back of Chan’s head while Jisung is drawing on his arm on his left. Normally that would be enough to distract him but today he can’t seem to focus on the feeling of the point of the ball pen on his skin.

He is aware that Jisung is talking to him but the words get lost in those of the professor up front and the ache behind his ribcage, something he thought he would learn to get over with but it still hasn’t after all these weeks.

Felix knows he’s partly to blame because after all, he hadn’t even tried to hold onto Chan. Not that he didn’t want to but what can you do when someone tells you they don’t love you anymore? In his eyes it is stupid to fight over it because there’s nothing to be done. You can’t convince someone to love you again. It just doesn’t work like that.

Still, he wishes he would have done _something_ instead of stoically nodding and agreeing with the older before breaking down in his dorm room.

Jisung had been there for him like always and had held him and wiped his tears away while cussing out Chan like there was no tomorrow. But then the next morning that protective anger had gotten directed at Felix, the boy almost screaming at him for being an idiot for giving up so quickly.

It had hurt, they had fought and Felix had maybe said some things he didn’t mean but deep down he knew that he hadn’t been angry with his best friend but with himself because he knew the boy’s words rang true.

And had broken down all over again and Jisung had come running back after a simple text message, apologizing over and over again while he didn’t even had to in Felix’s eyes.

That was about five weeks ago and Felix knows that it is damn time he stops… all of this. However, he is still so madly in love with the guy diligently taking notes and occasionally letting a soft snort escape him whenever the guy next to him – Hyunjin – scrabbles to flip a page and keep up.

Time passes slowly and all he can focus on is black wavy curls and the narrowing of this suffocating bubble around him, one that he feels incredibly alone in.

But fortunately for him, Jisung is able to join him and make the bubble bigger and less daunting every now and then, like right now.

It’s just a hand sliding down his arm and to his fingers where they halt to gently take a hold of Felix’s hand, but it’s all he needs to feel the ability to _breathe_ again. He lets out a shaky sigh and manages to squeeze Jisung’s hand, the boy slowly inching closer until he lets himself melt into Felix’s side.

‘’It’s okay,’’ he hears the boy whisper near his ear, ‘’You’re okay. I got you,’’

Felix hadn’t noticed the tear travelling down his cheek until Jisung reaches out and gently lets his thumb wipe it away.

It’s stupid, really, how much he misses Chan even though it was pretty clear that the older wasn’t missing _him_. Well, maybe he was but most certainly not to the extend of needing his best friend to keep him afloat and silently crying during a lecture.

Everything is bound to explode at some point, so Felix isn't all that surprised when he finds himself rushing to a random address Seungmin just shared with him in the middle of the night, wearing nothing more but sweatpants and a long-sleeved t-shirt and his trusty old sneakers.

He doesn't have a lot of information besides the address, only some jumbled words about Jisung and Chan and things getting out of hand. Deep down he already knows what happened; Jisung has threatened to kill the older when he sees him outside of a school-setting an alarming amount of times the last couple of weeks and even though Felix knows that the squirrel is all empty threats and fake toughness, it's concerning. 

He turns the corner and sees a group of people loitering in front of a flat, looking annoyed and loudly slurring things about their evening being ruined now. 

"Hey!," Felix yells as he comes to a stop next to a handful of girls, panting and leaning forward, "Where is that party?," 

He knows it’s a stupid thing to ask because all he has to do is follow the bass and the voices, but it is already out of his mouth. The girls look at him like he's stupid - he had seen that coming - but point inside anyways, telling him that he needs to get up seven flights of stairs. In his rising anxiety he manages to huff out a thanks before dashing inside, dodging another set of people coming down as he throws himself up the stairs. 

The higher he gets, the louder the music is and it isn't all that much later that he rounds the last corner and comes face-to-face with an open door and flashing lights seeping into the little hallway. 

Felix hears the shouting over the music and as impressive as that is, his heart drops to his stomach. 

As soon as he rushes inside, he sees two very obvious camps; Jisung on the left with a bunch of people tightly holding onto his arms – Seungmin, Minho and Jeongin - and Chan on the right with his head tilted up as he holds a couple of bunched-up tissues to his nose with the help of Changbin, Hyunjin's hand on his shoulder as he yells back at Jisung. 

"You are a fucking asshole! How dare you play victim!," Felix hears Jisung scream, his eyes shooting daggers at the guys on the other side.

Normally, Felix would not intervene in a situation like this and the fact that the normally peaceful and kind Jisung is on the verge of ripping Chan's head off if the people were to let him go only tells him that this is too big to handle, but then he notices that Jisung is almost sobbing, cheeks drenched and shaking like a leaf.

‘’He fucking _is_ the victim! It was your psychotic ass who attacked him out of nowhere!,’’ Hyunjin bellows back and Felix flinches where he’s standing.

The music cuts off and the lights get turned back on and all Felix can see is blood smeared across Chan’s cheeks and chin and Jisung’s bloodshot eyes and a cut on his forehead. 

‘’He deserved it,’’ Jisung hisses back, his voice cracking before he sniffs, ‘’Someone needed to try and knock some decency into him,’’

Felix sees Hyunjin’s nostrils flaring and suddenly the guy stalks towards Jisung, evading the hands trying to grab the back of his shirt. He reaches Jisung in no-time and manages to grab one of his wrists.

Then the shouting picks back up and a tight circle forms around the two, Seungmin and Jeongin holding onto Jisung as Hyunjin tries to yank the boy out of their grip. 

That’s all it takes for Felix to un-freeze and he rushes forward, feeling his face growing hot as Jisung lets out a watery cry and shrinks back into Seungmin’s chest as Minho tries to pry Hyunjin’s fingers off of him.

Felix isn’t a violent person, nor does he approve of the fact that Jisung has picked a fight with Chan and by default Hyunjin, but he doesn’t hesitate to take a hold of Hyunjin’s arm and use all of his power to tug the boy away from his best friend.

It’s surprisingly easy for Hyunjin to let go but that’s probably because no one had really seen him coming or that he was even present, so he takes that to his advantage and worms himself in between Jisung and Hyunjin, giving a harsh push against the latter’s chest.

‘’Don’t touch him,’’ Felix hears himself growl, angry at Hyunjin for crowding the boy like that while he _knows_ that it can trigger Jisung’s anxiety, especially when he’s had a couple of drinks already.

It gets confirmed when he hears ragged breathing behind him and a broken _’’L-Lix’’_ , shortly followed by a muted whine. 

Felix let’s his eyes linger on a wide-eyed Chan and Changbin and a fuming Hyunjin until he hears a thud behind him and hands tightly grabbing his leg. He spins around and finds Jisung on his knees on the floor, the boy hanging onto him for dear life.

‘’Everyone back off,’’ Felix commands and everyone actually does, leaving him and Jisung space.

He gently pries Jisung from his legs, promising that he isn’t going to leave before he manages to sit down in front of the boy. 

‘’Sung, can I touch you?,’’ Felix asks, trying to cool his head.

Jisung doesn’t respond and lets out another winded wheeze, his breathing picking up by the second.

‘’Jisung!,’’

That does the trick and the boy looks up, Felix’s heart breaking as he sees pale lips and flushed cheeks. And he so badly wants to reach out and wipe the tears off of the boy’s cheeks but he knows that he needs to wait.

‘’Touch?,’’

The boy seems to think for a second but then nods, already reaching out for Felix like a child waiting to get picked up. Felix does just that, shuffling closer and sneaking his arms around Jisung before heaving him into his lap.

‘’Sorry, I’m sorry,’’ Jisung shakily wheezes out, over and over again like he’s some sort of broken record stuck on replay.

‘’It’s okay Sung, don’t worry about it. Just focus on breathing in and out okay? You can do that for me right?,’’

He feels a pliant nod and fingers digging into his shoulder as Jisung sucks in a deep breath and struggles to keep it in for a couple of seconds before letting it out as slow as possible. It’s a process that can take up to an hour – the worst time Felix had to drag the boy into the shower and drench them both in ice-cold water to shock him out of it – but fortunately Jisung seems to get it under control in less than ten minutes.

The boy is barely awake as Felix pulls back and wipes the tears and snot off of his face with his sleeve but its barely a problem because he knows that at least Jisung will be out like a light when they get back to their dorm.

By now Minho has managed to slip into their little space as well and Felix lets out a relieved sigh when Jisung allows the older to pull him up to his feet. Felix takes the opportunity and turns around to face Chan and the gang, all of them looking as equally worried and upset.

‘’I don’t exactly know what happened, but I’m sorry,’’ Felix runs a hand through his hair, ‘’I will make sure Jisung apologizes as well when… he’s able to,’’

He sees in Chan’s eyes that the guy has something to say but Felix’s heart clenches again when he opens his mouth, only to close it a second later.

‘’Felix,’’ Minho speaks up, ‘’I’ll drive you and hannie,’’

Felix nods and watches on as Jeongin and Seungmin help Minho get Jisung on his back, the boy passed out for real now.

With one last apology, Felix follows Minho out.

He thinks he hears Chan mutter a soft sorry but decides that it is probably his head messing with him. 

Things are relatively quiet after the ordeal and Felix is glad that no one had filmed the whole thing and spread it around because the last thing he wants is for this to keep haunting them for more days than necessary.

He knows that it’s never that easy and that had become apparent when he had woken up this morning with yet another apology-breakfast made by Jisung, the boy still shaken up by his own behaviour and even going as far as to skip all lectures he could possibly walk into Chan or Hyunjin.

So here Felix is, trudging down the stairs of the lecture hall on his own. It feels weird not to have Jisung rambling on and on next to him but he understands. Still, he contemplates skipping the rest of his day as well, especially because he has to wait for one and a half hours till his next lecture.

‘’Hey,’’ 

Felix comes to a stop right when he steps out of the room and turns around to finds Hyunjin standing in front of him, fiddling with the sleeves of his sweater, ‘’H-how are you?,’’

The freckled boy lets out a sigh, ‘’Skip the small talk. What do you want?,’’

He knows why Hyunjin is here and what the boy really wants to ask so Felix doesn’t see the point in trying to dance around it.

‘’Eehhm… I just,’’ Hyunjin mutters, ‘’Is J-Jisung okay now?,’’

Felix isn’t surprised, knowing that Hyunjin was there to see Jisung break down. And as much as the two seem to hate each other now – another side effect of Chan and Felix breaking up – Hyunjin understands how Jisung is after an attack.

‘’He’s doing okay. He mostly slept for two days and it took a couple of days after that for him to start functioning properly again but he’s eating full meals again,’’

Hyunjin nodded and Felix didn’t miss the flash of guilt in the boy’s eyes.

‘’It’s not your fault, Hyunjin,’’ Felix sighs out, ‘’Well, maybe a little but it was just a bad pile-up of things and you know that,’’

Alcohol, resent, second-hand hurt, confusion…

It had been a mix of those that had caused Jisung to snap so it wasn’t just one of them they could blame.

‘’I know,’’ Hyunjin mutters before letting out a long sigh, ‘’Can I ask you something else?,’’

Felix doesn’t really feel like talking to Hyunjin a whole lot more because even though they all used to be friends, he doesn’t like the way he never really checked up on Felix after the break-up, breaking off contact and choosing Chan’s ‘side’ right from the get-go.

‘’This is a free country. You are free to form words together and speak them as much as you like,’’ is what he settles on for the sake of their previous friendship.

Hyunjin seems to think about his words before opening his mouth, ‘’You know, if Chan would ask you to get back together, would you do that?,’’

Felix hadn’t seen that one coming and he chokes on air quite embarrassingly.

‘’Why would you ask that?,’’ he wheezes, feeling slightly upset, ‘’What does it matter?,’’

Hyunjin shrugs, eyes darting all over the place, ‘’Just asking,’’

Felix doesn’t know how to answer so he doesn’t, rushing out a goodbye before sharply turning around and rushing down the hallway.

Felix doesn’t know what he would do if Chan asked him out again. He had never even thought about that.

Which is a total lie because ever since them breaking up Felix has hoped for Chan to change his mind and come through with an apology and words of regret. 

The rest of the day it’s all he can think about and he chastises himself for the way his heart does a little spin at the thought of Chan being his boyfriend again.

Because even though Felix is by nature an optimist, he knows that hope doesn’t get you anywhere when you’ve hit a dead end.

It comes like lightning when there is a knock on the door, Jisung flinching from where he is sprawled all over Felix on the couch.

‘’Who dares to interrupt out SpongeBob marathon?,’’ Jisung dramatically huffs, making no move to get off of Felix’s lap and holding the latter’s waist in a death-grip.

Felix shrugs and lightly swats at the boy’s arms to make him let go, ‘’I don’t know but if you so kindly could let go of me I can see who our SpongeBob-marathon-interrupter is and scold him,’’

Jisung grumbles something about being comfortable but lets go anyways, enabling Felix to heave himself off the couch and to the door.

He throws the door open and sees Chan standing in front of him, eyes darting all over the place. Felix wants to close the door in his face but he has the decency to not do that and instead leans against the doorframe.

‘’Hey,’’ Chan says, his voice shaky as he smiles at Felix.

‘’What do you want?,’’ is what comes out of Felix’s mouth and he himself winches at the sharp tone, but Chan nods acceptingly like he feels like it’s deserved.

‘’Sorry for just showing up but-’’

‘’What is he doing here?,’’ Jisung suddenly hisses from behind Felix, the latter spinning around to see the boy still wrapped up in a blanket and frankly, looking quite adorable.

Chan seems to think the same because he actually lets out a soft chuckle and it’s all Jisung needs to drop the hostility.

Felix sees Jisung’s eyes well up and he isn’t surprised at that because even though Jisung had claimed that he hates Chan and that he isn’t afraid of the guy, Felix knows that that couldn’t be further from the truth. Jisung has always looked up to Chan and used to follow him around like a little puppy, speaking words of praise at whatever Chan did.

‘’I’m sorry, Jisungie,’’ Chan whispers, a sad smile on his lips, ‘’I’m really sorry,’’

To Jisung, Chan was the older brother he had never had and he had trusted him with his life. Apparently, seeing his best friend heartbroken because of the guy had been enough for Jisung to lose that respect. Because Jisung had been hurt almost as much, is missing Chan almost just as much.

And Felix knows the boy is mostly pretending out of loyalty to Felix so he also knows that the explosion at the party a couple of weeks ago was more because of disappointment and sadness rather than genuine anger.

‘’Can I ask you for one little favour?,’’ Chan continues, giving Jisung another shy smile.

Jisung nods weakly, biting his lip like he always does when he tries to keep the tears in.

‘’Is it okay if I talk to Felix alone for a couple of minutes?,’’

Felix sees Jisung hesitate so he gives the boy a short nod, telling him that he’s okay with being alone with Chan without his best friend as his lifeline.

‘’Okay,’’ Jisung replies before he moves to step into his shoes, ‘’I’ll be at Minho’s if you need me,’’

And just like that, it’s just Felix and Chan.

It’s uncomfortable and Felix kinda wants to cry but he manages to motion for Chan to step inside and ask what he wants to drink even though he knows damn well what Chan always drinks.

He returns with two glasses of water and they sit there, sipping, for a minute or so until the older lets out a tired sigh and sets his glass down on the little coffee table.

‘’I should have never broken up with you,’’

Felix wonders if he has heard that right because that was not what he had expected Chan to say, far from it. But he has to admit that it makes his heart race in a way it hasn’t in a while so with trembling fingers he sets his own glass down as well and turns his body to look at Chan.

‘’W-what do you mean?,’’

‘’I still like you, _love you_ , even though I thought I didn’t anymore,’’ Chan rushes out, bravely looking up at Felix and keeping eye-contact, ‘’I know it’s stupid and I don’t know if you even believe me or not but I just…,’’

Felix is baffled, absolutely stunned. Because it was still so fresh on his mind how Chan had blatantly stated that he didn’t love him anymore – not in that way – and to be honest, he was a bit sceptical.

‘’Then why did you tell me you didn’t? Why did you want to break up then?,’’ Felix huffs, frowning because he doesn’t understand.

Chan is silent for a bit and actually takes another quick sip of water before turning his body to face Felix.

‘’I think I misunderstood,’’ the older now frowning as well, ‘’I felt like we weren’t as lovey-dovey anymore and that it meant that I was falling out of love with you,’’

It feels like a slap to the face but Felix doesn’t know what makes him feel that way exactly and it only leaves him more confused.

‘’So you are saying that because we were both busy and didn’t feel like meeting up all that much because we were tired meant that you just didn’t like me anymore? That I didn’t like you anymore?,’’

Chan nods slowly and it’s ridiculous. 

‘’You are an idiot,’’ he breathes out, feeling his eyes well up for some reason, ‘’You are such an idiot,’’

It’s a lot of talking and tears on both sides later that Felix texts Jisung that everything is okay and if he can stay with Minho tonight because Felix feels exhausted and just wants to keep talking to Chan until he falls asleep, scared that things will be left unsaid if Chan leaves before they have talked through everything. Jisung is understanding but still tells him to call when needed.

‘’You know, I was lowkey satisfied that Jisung decked you at that time,’’ Felix whispers into Chan’s neck, the guy’s arms tightening a bit around his waist and pulling Felix on top of him.

‘’You know, I was lowkey proud that Jisung managed to do so,’’ Chan chuckles back, kissing his head before running his fingers through it.

They spend another hour or so like that until Felix hears soft snores coming from Chan and he carefully lifts his head from the older’s chest, smiling fondly as he sees Chan knocked out before two AM.

He had missed seeing him like that. He had missed Chan in general and even though he feels a bit pathetic about letting Chan back in so easily he can’t find himself to be upset about it, not when the older had so sweetly whispered apology after apology in his ear all evening, promising to make it up to him by making sure he feels special every day.

Chan keeps his promise and not a day goes by where Felix doesn’t get surprised by the most random and sweet gestures, ranging from finding post-its with adorable messages throughout the day to a very elaborate scheme to get Felix out of class and on a meticulously planned-out date on a Friday.

It doesn’t take even to weeks for Chan to ask Felix to be his boyfriend again. Way too long if you asked Felix but he knows it was Chan’s way of punishing himself even though he knew that Felix would have said yes without him doing so.

They find their way insanely quick again and to Felix it feels like they just continued where they had left off, but _better_ this time. They are a tad bit wiser and value each other a whole lot more and all in all, things have turned out better than they had expected.

And slowly but surely Jisung lets Chan back in as well, dropping that very fake and weak wall he had tried to create and allowing himself to smile around the older when he feels like Felix has truly moved on from the past.

It takes a bit longer for their other friends to accept each other again – Seungmin and Changbin giving each other intentional jabs more often than not – but when they do, it feels like nothing has really happened at all.

‘’Do you think that we would get caught if we were to spray-paint that wall by the dumpster?,’’ Changbin wonders out loud from where he’s lying on the floor.

Felix ignores the question because Chan is trying his best to get him to react to the tiny kisses on the back of his neck, something he has been doing for as long as the movie has been running on the tv because he knows that Felix is more interested in the plot than him at the moment.

‘’I don’t think so,’’ Jeongin replies, ‘’I mean, there isn’t any camera-surveillance so I don’t see how we would get caught,’’

From the corner of his eyes Felix sees Hyunjin perk up – almost hitting Jisung in the chin with his head because the two are tangled together on the other couch – and frown.

‘’Wanna try?,’’

It takes less than a second for Seungmin, Changbin, Hyunjin, Jisung and Jeongin to bolt upright and to their feet, discussing loudly who is going to be on the look-out and what their secret signals are going to be. Minho is the last one remaining and even though he doesn’t seem like he wants to get up, he does anyways as he rolls his eyes and mutters something about _’’I’ll go with them and make sure they don’t kill themselves’’_ before jogging to the door.

He hears Chan chuckle and kiss the back of his neck again, ‘’I know they are adults but I can’t help but worry about their plan,’’

Felix has to agree with that, ‘’You’re not the only one,’’

‘’Should we go with them? Just to be sure?,’’ Chan asks but Felix can sense the reluctance when the arms around him tighten and to be honest, he doesn’t feel like getting up from Chan’s lap to get into the cold.

‘’Minho’s got it handled and even if he hasn’t, the only one who really is a danger to himself is Sung. The rest still have some amount of braincells,’’

‘’Don’t let him hear you say that because I don’t think you want to find a frog in your bed again,’’ The older grins, knowing full well that Felix doesn’t like to be reminded of that because it had taken him weeks to drop the weariness and the whole nightly inspection before getting under the blankets.

Felix manages a short huff and Chan laughs, swaying them from side to side like Felix is a little baby he’s trying to put to sleep. That isn’t far from the truth because Felix is struggling to keep his eyes open, especially when he leans back into Chan’s chest and lets his head rest on the older’s shoulder.

‘’Hey, sunshine?,’’

Felix hums to let Chan know he has heard him but doesn’t even try to open his eyes.

‘’I love you more than anything in the world,’’ the older whispers in his ear, ‘’And I will be damned if I ever let you go again,’’

Then there is the softest little peck on his temple and Felix smiles, wanting to say something alike to Chan as well because he loves Chan more than anything as well, but he’s already drifting somewhere between consciousness and nothingness so instead he gathers his remaining strength and squeezes the older’s hand, hoping that it will be enough for now.

It is with soft humming and the warmth of Chan on his back that he lets himself fall asleep, dreaming about stupidly cliché things which all revolve around the older.

Felix isn’t sure if the world has always looked this rose-coloured and vibrant, but for the first time in a long while he can say that he notices it, how the flowers look absolutely radiant and how the sound of birds chirping in the tree warms his heart.

On some days it is a lot more overwhelming than others, like today. Today he can’t seem to do anything but lose himself in the beautiful blue sky because, to put it simply, he doesn’t think there is anything more beautiful than that.

Well, he thinks that the man laying next to him and holding his hand is damn good competition but it’s a different kind of beautiful. Still, Felix knows which one he prefers.  
Because it all looks like this because Chan is right next to him.

And as he lifts his left hand and sees the simple ring around his ring finger, he knows that Chan is always going to be right next to him.

Till death do them apart.

And Felix likes to think for eternity after that.


End file.
